Arguing about stupid stuff:


This is a random post, created out of boredom, caused by there being so many frickin' people on this mountain - or "the Hill" as they call it here.

So I said that one question my little brother Robert had once asked was this;

"Which goes faster, a bullet or a rocket?"

To which Kerno replied "A bullet, I think. Wait; are we talking about acceleration or about maximum velocity? Because intuitively a bullet accelerates faster than a rocket doesn't it?"

I called him a retard, because bullets can't achieve escape velocity, and he called me a moron, because "clearly a bullet can't sustain acceleration long enough to achieve escape velocity", so I told him to shove it, and he asked;

"Why do we have to be so nerdy?"

I said "I don't know Kerno. I just don't know."

So we went looking - what has the highest maximum velocity?

It turns out it is a rocket - the Saturn V rocket which carried the ill-fated Apollo 13, lead by the very worthy astronaut Tom Hanks, achieved around 8,000 Km/h in stage one, 23,000 Km/h in stage two, and 26,000 Km/h in stage three.

A bullet fired from a common military rifle, meanwhile, will only achieve around 3,200 Km/h.

Nothing, however, acheives a velocity such as that of John wiping out during night-skiing. Yard Sale, anyone?

Overheard in the Penalty Box


Hunter - Hey, dude.

Dundas - S'up.

H - Nice check.

D - Thanks; got that sucker good.

H - Reckon we'll win?

D - Hope so - the Giants are gay.

H - So Gay.

D - So very very gay.

H - Speaking of gay...

D - What?

H - Have you....heard anything about Zimmer?

D - No...why?

H - Rumour has it that...well....

D - What? Dude, spit it out.

H - He and Wikner know...

D - Are what?

H - Gay.

D - No. Way.

H - Yeh, apparently so dude.

D - No. Way.

H - I know...shit! Here comes Zimmer now.

Hunter - Hey dude.

Zimmer - S'up.

H - Nice check.

Z - Thanks; got that sucker good.

H - Reckon we'll win?

Z - Hope so - the Giants are gay.

H - So Gay.

Z - So very very gay.

D - So very very very gay.

H - Speaking of gay...

Z - What?

H - Well, I've heard some things...

Z - Like what?

H - You know, bits and the locker room and stuff...

Z - About who.

H - You.

Z - And?

H - Wikner.

Z - I don't understand.

H - Well, people are saying that, y' like Wikner.

Z - Huh? What?

H - And that, well...he likes you.

Z - You lost me.

H - He likes you likes you...

Z - You speaking German again?

H - What I'm trying to say is that...well....

D - Zimmer; are you and Wikner fucking?

Z - What? No - that's disgusting! Fuck you Dundas.

H - Dude.

Z - Fuck you, Hunter! I'm outta here.

H - Way to go, dude.

D - Get stuffed, man.

H - Well, at least we got our answer. There is clearly absolutely nothing going on between Wikner and Zimmer.

Wikner - Fooled those suckers so good.

Zimmer - Mmmmm; so good.

Puck You:


This is Andy. Andy is a Canadian. If Andy was Australian, he would be an automatic entry into the Australian cricket team. That pack of professional sledgers have nothing on this kid.

I digress.

Hockey is awesome. It's as simple as that.

We made it down to the Giants game the last night we were in Vancouver. As far as we can fathom the division is similar to what we might call colts. And like colts rugby, it was very fast and very tough.

Sitting behind the penalty box was also an elightening experience. As ferocious as the game is, the sledging from the fans is something to see.

Our red-headed Canadian friend Andy, protected by those thick plexiglass barriers, tore strips of each and every one of these blokes. I hope the crickt team is recruiting - all we have to do now is explain just what exactly cricket is. He assured us he's a quick learner.

After the game we headed out to the Robson pub, which we got within ten metres of before deciding that it wasn't in that direction, and turned and walked a k the wrong way. Eventually we made it, got into the Canadian nightlife, and had a great time before we headed home.

Couldn't find a kebab shop, though.

On to Kelowna and Big White.

Beer Good. Free beer better.


These are the only clear images we have of the Granville Island Brewery.

As you can probably imagine, we were concentrating on learning about the sacred art of brewing, and by the time the camera did come out it was too late.

So, enjoy these pretty uninspiring images and take comfort in the fact that we truly did enjoy ourselves. As Kerno was heard to say while tasting the Kitsilano Maple Cream Ale;

"This would make a really good after binner-deer".


Small Minds


So on the way to Granville Island we had to amuse ourselves somehow. I mean, after the first couple of minutes of looking at this;

and this;

and this;

it all starts to look a bit like, well, Sydney. Enter the posing competition.

Michael kicked proceedings off with this effort.

Kerno followed with this, frankly, frightening attempt. The less said about it the better, I think.

The competition was all Michael's when John followed up with this timeless pose.

Ladies and Gentlemen - I give you Zoolander.

End Quote


Morning, checking into Hostel in Vancouver, 5th December:

Hostel Guy One "So, what are the conditions like at Big White?"

Hostel Guy Two "Oh...they're awesome."

Night, Vancouver, 6th December:

John "Let's play something before we go out...something distinctly Australian."

Michael "But not Khe Sahn."

Kerno "And not Land Down Under."

John "Shit - we're out of songs."

Sight-seeing with style.

The view to Vancouver from Stanley Park.

Moored boats near the park.

Stanley Park lookout.

Lion's Gate Bridge being repaired. Kerno was looking at this when he rode past (we hired bikes) and got distracted. Almost killed a squirrel.

The view from the back of the park, looking into Vancouver Bay (we think).

And we round off with an image of one of the meanest seagulls we're ever likely to see.

In Australia the little kids chase the seagulls; in Canada it's the other way round.

Moving on from Gastown


So after our adventures in the seedier parts of Vancouver, we've moved on from that town of contradictions. Before we left, though, we managed to make it to the Granville Island brewery and the Vancouver Giants hockey game. Both were excellent, and not just because of the beer.

Above are some photos and memorable moments from our brief stay in Vancouver.

We're still alive!



Quite a bit has happened between now and the last posting, so we'll try and get everything down in the next couple of days. Wi-fi rocks!

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimmming..."


Advice to those coming to Vancouver.

Gastown is scary.

Like the deepest, darkest corner of Redfern, only on the main street and with eight times more scary people around.

We gave it a nickname, although we're not going to tell you until we're at least five hours away from it. Possibly even a hemisphere.

Even I couldn't finish it.

Takeoff from Sydney Airport, 11:30 AM.

Pacific Ocean, near Fiji, 5:00PM.

Landing in Hawaii, 1230 AM.

Entering American Airspace, 8:00AM.

Landing in Vancouver International Airport, 9:00AM.

Oh Canadia...


Here we come.

Ski Report 4th December 2005


'Twas the night before...


...and last things in Australia were getting done.

The last cricket ball was bowled (wide).

The last surf was had.

The last visit to St Andrew's College was paid.

The last Aussie beer was drunk.

And the last summer day went by.

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